04 November 2005

The Tremble of Life

The student of Heartwork, instead of interposing things between himself and this rawness and suddenness of reality, instead relishes and learns to use that rawness as a guide. The good student knows deep down that no matter how unbearable, that trembling vulnerability he feels in the face of reality is the tremble of life, and is what gives him power and strength. When my teacher used to say to students, especially the ones full of assurance, swagger and self-confidence, to search each day for weakness and vulnerability, it wasn’t in order to eradicate that weakness through the work, but to establish it as the guide and beacon for one’s developing humanity.

“Six foot six he stood on the ground / weighed two hundred and thirty five pounds / but I saw this giant of a man brought down / by a thing called love.” In the face of such feelings the average person retreats to recover or wallows self-pityingly, but if they had the courage to refuse either of these options and instead drove forwards with their aching breaking heart they’d realize that whilst in this condition they have immense power because they are so much better able to connect, and through that connecting to transform and change the world (this is power). Always be eternally grateful to anything that gives your ego a good bashing, and try to familiarize yourself with the tenderness and tearfulness that accompanies it, and work to establish this condition as your primary one.

Jesus is often depicted with a hand raised, a compassionate face, and a chest ripped open to reveal the sacred heart.

John always used to say that how you feel is simply an opinion of the way things are and you should never let it interfere with your relationship with either the work or with anything else. To treat things badly because you feel bad is the ultimate in meanness. Being confidently full of yourself when you feel good is equally repulsive (how many Tai Chi masters fall into this trap?). A few years ago, after watching my gleaming perfect Form my teacher said to me, “You must bleed more.”

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