Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.

a spirit that is difficult to beat

keep your wits about you

the healing is in the listening not in the manipulation

Any formalised system necessarily suppresses spirit. So there comes a point when you have to break away and go your own way.

le besoin d’être mal armé

I have a friend here who was placed in the commando unit when he did his military service. He told me that he had to be a dumb teenager otherwise he would never have agreed to do the ridiculously dangerous things they ordered him to do. It is the same with our work. You need to start young – before you become sensible.

believe in something sacred that obliges unconditionally

Only when you no longer have a mummy to run home to will you start to make internal progress. The internal is refuge and comfort enough, and it must become the place we naturally want to dwell.

If the student wants an internal teaching from a teacher then they must inspire that teacher to want to teach. The best way to do this is by practising hard. If the teacher feels confident in your willingness to work on what they give you then they will be more likely to give. It's only natural. Otherwise, at best, they will take your money and go through the motions.

man is at his most human when he is revealing the animal side of his nature

everything in our civilised domesticated lives conspires against spirit (if that's not a contradiction in terms)

meditation: sailing to byzantium

The teacher sees something real peeking out from behind your ego. They know you better than you think you know yourself. So listen and obey.

Clearly distinguish thinking and daydreaming. Thinking usually occurs through language as a dialogue with oneself whereas daydreaming is a state of reverie where images and feelings surface from somewhere other than the consciousness.

As you work, the mood grows on you. There are certain images which suddenly get hold of me and I really want to do them. But it’s true to say that the excitement and possibilities are in the working and obviously can only come in the working.

when it comes to fighting (engaging reality), mind is always slow – behind the times – which is why we must have spirit

relax into happiness

it all becomes revealed in the fullness of time

the mind is conservative and censorious when it thinks

between the neutrality of the grey black of being and the endless torture of the solipsistic cogito

let the physical transform the mental rather than the mental control the physical

words neither annunciate nor describe reality, they protect from reality

attend what's coming back to haunt you

ego is the part of us that keeps up appearances – the acceptable veneer

the integrity of the eyelids coming down before the brain knows of grit in the wind

if only acquiring character was as easy as getting a tattoo

the poet uses words to convey what's beneath the words

the mind judges and opines in order to save itself discomfort

As the child enters puberty its sexual energy awakens. If this is allowed to happen naturally, in its own time, then it first becomes apparent in dreams. The dreaming mind induces physical arousal and sometimes release. The child quickly learns that nothing compares to sexual pleasure, and begins to fantasise – effectively dreaming whilst awake – to produce the same affects. This is using the conscious mind to arouse the body, and sometimes it won't work, because of tiredness or distraction or anxiety, and the mind just cannot get into the body. This is exactly the sort of imagination we need to exercise to get into energy. A physical imagination that arouses not sexual energy but qi or spirit, or whatever you want to call it. Of course without the reward of sexual pleasure such an mind is far more likely to get distracted, as we all know, which is why the main thrust of our work is towards inner stillness and silence. The only way we will ever really practice it is if we begin to feel the energy moving with the mind, and if we find pleasure in that feeling.

When I see the tree’s true relevance to my existence, suddenly my own world expands to care for the land as if it were my own body.

We interact with world through feet, hands, mouth, eyes, so it stands to reason that much of our anxious tension is lodged in hips, shoulders, jaw, occiput. Such tension must be released otherwise energy cannot pass through.

deer as image of spirit

be like no one else in the world

Honestly, it doesn't matter what you do. What matters is the mood you're in when you do it.

To make the spasm visible. The entire body becomes plexus.

learn to cheer yourself up otherwise much of your practice will be wasted

in taiji we don't straighten up, we straighten down

meditation: the practice of non-self when there's nothing to distract from self

the uniformity & conformity of the bourgeoisie

I do not want other artists to imitate my work but only to imitate my example for freedom and independence from all external, decadent and corrupting influences.

given the choice between depression and madness, always go for madness – in others as well as yourself

meditation: lingering in listening

attend the bigger picture

An awareness that comes from listening to things rather than thinking about things. The things are the earth, the sky, the ancestors, the teaching, and their constant working, on me and through me, in a messianic future unfolding.

sumo desire is shaped by obstacle size and belief in ones strength to move it

use autopodia (hands & feet) as stethoscopes – instruments of auscultation as well as palpation

meditation: giving each passing moment what it deserves – full attention

spirit is a way of life
total

We intuitively know the bully is a frightened child who either didn't get the attention they wanted or who learnt to overcompensate for a natural lack of confidence. We all contain him and we all must transform him.

I hold it imperative to evolve an instrument of thought which will aid in cutting through all cultural opiates, past and present, so that a direct, immediate, and truly free vision can be achieved.

Only if the teaching is taken to heart will it work on the mind. As my teacher used to say: You will only succeed at Taiji if you first fall in love with Taiji. And for him love was either unconditional or it wasn't love at all.

we consume far far more than our fair share

spirit is the charge in the moment

People ask why I harp on so about spirit. Why is it so important? Because it is the only natural enemy to ego. Without spirit nothing in you will even countenance tackling ego.

The job of the artist is always to deepen the mystery.

Odd how most contemporary art aims to make you think. I want something that will stop my mind not start it. Something for the heart, for the soul.

spirit is the magician in you

language is a violence
it goes against nature
so we must exercise great care in its use
this poetry

The way we are, or rather the way we have become, makes it impossible to express our deepest primal energies. Yet without that ability there is no satisfaction, no joy, no real happiness in our lives.

it is now, all at once, one and continuous

Ego chats to itself to push reality away and enclose itself inside a fantasy bubble. When the chatting stops then reality closes in. This is felt as pressure on the skin and on the mind – it effectively increases inertia.

in the world gently & frugally – as light a footprint as possible

always slipping back into the sea

don't pander to your students – it does them no good

Just as there is a relationship of mind to body, so there is a relationship of body to earth.

sink and relax into earth not as stable hard support but as infinite source of energy and inspiration – depth

meditation: dreaming whilst awake

meditation: slipping into thalassa – the ocean of the unconscious

We aim to deconstruct ego and uncover deeper levels of mind and reality. Culture, being the collective ego, is definitely under our scrutiny.

a desire to peer through the veil of the matrix of consensual reality and see what lies beneath, above, beyond

in this game we need comradeship and fellowship more than friendship – relationships that stimulate progress rather than hold us back

a lonely intimacy

be in your power beaming out
the only thing stopping you is ego / fear

only when you exercise self-control can you let the rest of you go

the myth of the ignorant demiurge who imagined he was the highest divinity illustrates the perplexity of the ego when it can no longer hide from itself the knowledge that it has been dethroned by a supraordinate authority

Ego makes itself important by reducing its world, either its actual world or its experience of the world. This happens all the time – it is a principle of ego.

True listening doesn't just hear what's there, it encourages what isn't yet there.

the only way to become gnostic (in the know) is to first become agnostic (in the no)

We are told that it's not enough to love someone, that love must be demonstrated. What better way than to listen? True listening is love.

Being alert and subtle will bring your abilities to the highest level.

Quiet the mind. So quiet you could hear a pin drop. Quiet because listening intently. Only then will spirit come out to play.

ego is fabricated on and from tension so relaxation is instrumental in its dismantling

when the cat (ego) is away the mice (spirit) will play

A student visited yesterday for a lesson and started by telling me how terrible he felt so I put my hand on his body and was shocked: Wow! Progress!

to close the doors and windows of consciousness for a time

meditation: rather than observe the breathing, become the breathing

those who practice have a feeling for the long-term

I know it sounds horrible but I can honestly say that since I left my teacher and entered exile I haven't found a single person whom I would choose to spend time with if they weren't paying me.

Clearly distinguish teacher from teaching. The teacher is generally someone with charisma, spirit and good energy who exudes mastery, and their company is at once both comforting and exciting. The teaching on the other hand is difficult, challenging to the point of threatening, and highly demanding – it demands to be taken seriously and it demands to be practised. The poor student loves the teacher but hates the teaching. The good student loves the teaching but is well aware that the teacher is human and therefore fallible. The mediocre student can't decide – wants the best of all worlds.

It is not doubt, it is certainty that drives people mad.

what distinguishes the good, the mediocre and the poor student is practice, or its inverse – laziness

develop a weather eye

it's poignant that as your kids grow up and become teenagers the thing you miss most of all is them as children

If the Age of Enlightenment marked the triumph of the rational mind over Nature then personal enlightenment marks the triumph of one's true nature over the rational mind.

harkening back to the pre-scientific concept of the soul

For me the smartphone is an external indication of a noisy mind. We're all on our phones most of the time even if we don't own one.

always in the mood for work

cultivate a mind that never gets bored

An aspect of ego-mind we really need to tackle is its assumption of a hierarchy in the body with the lordly head on high and the lowly feet at the bottom. We want an earth-mind, a mind for which nothing is beneath it, including contempt.

The flood of precise information and brand-new amusements make people smarter and more stupid at once.

Watch a baby who has learnt to sit up. A beautiful straight spine, uncorrupted by standing and walking, open hips, perfect concentration. That's where we would like our sitting to take us.

sitting through the sunrise

what a gift!

The first rule of Taiji?
Never use force.

The only thing the good student has ever wanted is a teaching worthy of a lifetime's study. Once they find it they are so happy and they express this happiness by practising like mad. The practise slowly makes them flammable, and there comes a point where the teacher strikes a match and sets them aflame. This is the transmission. The student then burns until they die.

We live in a world that has become unbearable, in which we are traumatically overstimulated to the point of exhaustion.

Guard against vainglory. Be aware that you are on this path not because you are better than others but because something inside is broken.

we live lives full of stuff we don't need yet empty of the things we do

becoming humble enough to connect to the earth

the best favour you can do someone is to give honest feedback: respond positively to their authentic side but refuse their inauthentic side

The ancient spirits are all around us. They awaken from their slumber when someone is willing to listen.

meditation: slipping beneath the ego

allow the miracle of the moment to disarm rather than distract

They always say that what you have naturally you cannot teach. You can only teach what you've learnt yourself, and if you've had to learn it the hard way then you'll make a better teacher.

Learn to sit comfortably on your haunches, palms together, elbows driving the knees apart. Feel the mingmen push back and the lordosis disappear. The upper part of the spine above the mingmen extends up over the head and down into the heart and the lower part of the spine below the mingmen extends down under the body and up into the dantien. Heart and dantien move towards each other. The mind naturally quietens being this close to the ground, and you feel settled and contained as though someone has thrown a sheet over you. There is a sense that this is home, even more than sitting on your cushion.

harmonic glue and atmospheric scrim

it's not so much life that unfolds, it's you that unfolds into life, and this must be an ongoing process until the moment you die

the meaning of life is to practice

meditation: letting the body resonate with pure mind

listening means letting your whole being vibrate with the other and this is only possible if you empty of self

In order to be treated fairly and equally, chidren have to be treated differently.

student: for you life is work, work, work!
teacher: but surely that's preferable to me, me, me?

meditation by moonlight

meditation: singing the body electric

from stillness is borne fluid movement
from silence inspiring words
from solitude a desire to embrace the world

Smooth runs the water where the brook is deep

meditation informed by prayer
prayer informed by meditation

daily life with a difference – mindfulness makes the ordinary extraordinary and vice versa

anyone who goes deep eventually becomes a heretic

orthodoxy is designed to keep you shallow and controlled

For most people freedom means having the wherewithal to galavant from one pleasure to the next – freedom to indulge the ego. But for us freedom is freedom of spirit – freedom from ego – a freedom born of discipline and sacrifice.

An honest religious thinker is like a tightrope walker. He almost looks as though he were walking on nothing but air. His support is the slenderest imaginable. And yet it really is possible to walk on it.

If the first stage in Taiji is relaxation then the second stage is tension or, more strictly, intensification. 

get your head down

power & passion

Relaxation is a letting go of tension, a release, and when you let go there is a sense of expansion in the mind and a feeling of sinking in the body. But if you watch closely with a mind of stillness you will also notice a natural concentration, a gathering at a centre, a natural centring. This is the seed of yang at the core of yin, what we call mind-in-dantien or concentrating-the-spirit.

The very desire to be certain, to be secure, is the beginning of bondage. It's only when the mind is not caught in the net of certainty, and is not seeking certainty, that it is in a state of discovery.

Don't you find it scary when ego takes on a life of its own?

plain & simple

the work is simply a matter of being honest with oneself

a martial art becomes spiritual when you realise the real enemy is not the opponent but your own ego

Here is my secret: I don't mind what happens.

those who practice but don't progress have failed to take the teaching to heart

a listening that conjures spirit

an elastic wave

touching the world with warmth & tenderness

taking up one’s abode in the desert

imagine your gaze a sunbeam emanating from the heart

precious moments

prayer is the raising of heart and mind to god in the absence of thoughts (evagrius)

meditation: getting in the mood for prayer, for praise, for love

To embroider by hand takes time. It is a slow process that gives room for silence. I seek silence. In silence, I retrieve memories and find new paths forward.

beware middle-aged spread
it indicates a settling into conformity

mind is the aether – the plenum

the miracle and secret of the human spine is that it can use gravity to produce a light heart

In this age of instant communication and immediate gratification the work, which has never been popular, is less practised than ever.

apart from all and yet a part of all

for most ego is sacrosanct – an inviolable given that always comes first

solitude, silence, and stillness

meditation: letting gravity work for you

become too well-fed and you risk losing the hunger

the rapturous consciousness of life beyond self

become still in order to open up to natural movement

nothing focuses the mind like pain