Remembering

Each time your teacher teaches you he/she presents something new. This may be a new posture, a new principle, a new way of working, etc. More important though is the invisible aspect of the new – a new facet of energy and the internal that their very presence conjures, often unconsciously, just for you (ever had the feeling in a large class that the teaching was directed just to you?). It seems to be a natural law of the teaching experience – the coming together of master and student – that a facet of energy is always evoked that is new to the student (and sometimes even new to the teacher). Maybe it's just the natural awkwardness of the teacher – his distaste at the student's nauseating tensions staring him in the face and his refusal to even get involved in them – that naturally draws something from him to unsettle the student and drive them onto the back foot where they belong, at least when they're in his company. Or maybe it is simply that the teacher's rich energetic and internal presence – far richer than the students – gradually unfolds – the next new facet being the most apparent with each meeting. Whatever the reason it definitely happens and it is the true teaching – the postures being just a way of getting you all working together – catching your attention. This new facet of energy may excite or fascinate you but it is far more likely to upset and make you uneasy – make you feel that you are under attack – not a physical attack but an attack to the assumptions you have unconsciously based your view of reality upon – an attack to your very foundations. The fear and loathing, the terror and trepidation you feel when this happens, maybe not during – you're probably too involved or overwhelmed to know what you're feeling during the lesson – but after the event, can be severe, and must be weathered courageously. Such feelings are a positive sign – a sign that you have been open during the lesson and that the teaching is beginning to get to you. What is crucial though, obviously, is not to cut off from this aspect of the teaching, but to instead use your practice to sink into the energy of the teaching – the very thing that is making you want to resist or pull away. The meditative side of Tai Chi is not just using the Form to relax and quieten the mind, but relaxing into the energy of the teaching/teacher and through that relaxation evoking and conjuring that energy each time you work until it is so familiar that you have internalized it – you have made it part of you. Yielding – turning an enemy into a friend. If you work this way then your practice is a constant review of what you have been taught – remembering past energy experiences in the light of wisdom and depth you have acquired in the meantime can be very rewarding – you project yourself now to that past experience and live it again and realise it was far more than you thought or felt at the time. This is something my teacher does all the time. In a way it happens naturally when you teach, but if you can bring it to every solo practice session then you will slip into the world of energy and the internal with ease. This doesn't mean that your teacher's presence will be any easier to take but it does mean that your presence will be far easier for him to take – he may even begin to enjoy it (stranger things have happened) – and it does mean that time with the teacher will be far more productive for both of you.