A correct feeling for self

Becoming front-foot requires one to have a positive approach to everything – one's natural response should always be to move forwards to enter and embrace. For most of us this is hardly the case, instead of this natural response we have a conditioned response which causes us to either fearfully retreat from situations or barge forwards with little sensitivity which is just as odious as, and certainly more obnoxious than, retreating. What has become clear from recent Heartwork classes at the BTCCA though, is that when tracing large figures of eight with the hand and arm, students are willing and able to complete the upper part of the eight, the part that surrounds – embraces – the other, and yet the bottom of the eight, the part that surrounds and embraces oneself, is often pinched and cramped: people have little real feeling or respect for themselves, especially for themselves in relation to the other. It brings to mind a phrase of Heraclitus' which Charles Olson was so fond of: “Man is estranged from that with which he is most familiar.” It takes two to tango. If we wish to make a strong and lasting connexion then as well as generously reaching out with an open heart to embrace the other, we also need to bring that other, or at least be prepared to bring that other, into our own space – into our home – to reveal an environment as equally hospitable and inviting as our initial solicitations. For this we need peace of mind and the ease (lack of anxiety) and companionability that peace of mind allows. We must be happy in ourselves and with ourselves. This is a positive aspect of self, different from selfishness or arrogance or self-interest, all of which detract from the other. When we have the proper feeling for ourselves then we are in the best position and condition to give of our energy. In a sense it is simply an equality. There needs to be equality, at least on some level, before hearts can properly connect to create the third heart and the energy between. A Heartwork exchange is the search for the equality in the situation – the place where we can both meet and communicate – neutral ground – where neither has the advantage over the other and yet where each is willing to give and receive. The skill in Heartwork is in trusting both that this ground is always there, no matter what, and that it is always within you to find it, together.