Our power (energy level) draws us to consciously enter the process of becoming. We become acutely aware that each present moment is a passage from past to future. This awareness demands we effectively become two – the past we are leaving behind at one end of the passage and the future we are becoming at the other. For an instant we feel both clearly, and become the flow between. Like an amoeba.
The taiji mind is neither distanced nor removed from the actual world. It is intensely and intently with and of the world it inhabits. The imagination, as such, does not enter the picture at all. We do not think above and beyond what is actual. But our intense presence gives us power beyond the usual: a power to squeeze and press as though into time and thereby feel much more than usual – the power to travel deeper into reality. We effectively choose consciousness and awareness over thinking. And the world which opens up to this intensity teems with life and detail – we become aware of potential – of possibility – and we feel that what this potential possesses as potential – a fine charge and delicacy – an evanescent incandescence too beautiful to imagine – dies the moment it actualizes and enters the so-called real world of actual things. So, for me at least, coming into being represents a sort of death, or at least a shocking let-down, and actual death, which allows entrapped essence to re-enter the virtual world, a sort of birth.
Taiji, as a practice, is simply a means of gathering energy and developing the power to travel ever deeper into awareness. To be effective it must go hand-in-hand with an ascetic life style that puts the truth of solitude and virtue above consumerism (a life that doesn't waste energy). It also requires vision : the ability to formally commit the whole of one's life to one course.
Problems arise when we try to make sense of feelings – when we begin to think we understand. Mystery is not just a state of not knowing; it is a charged state of heightened awareness because of not knowing. Understanding brings comfort and relief but also deflation and disappointment. Truth ultimately lies in the spirit of the connexion – the mystery – not in the understanding.
We live in a world largely at odds with the feelings that create it. This is because the objects of creation – the stuff created – clutter and interrupt the creative process. Even a practice as unmaterialistic as taiji: how often do we try to remember a feeling we've had before – recreate yesterdays form – instead of starting afresh and creating anew.
I must necessarily turn to something other than myself since it is a question of being delivered from self
Spirit is the agent of the event, and the whole idea of becoming versed in spirit is to consistently rupture the ever-constricting skin of normality, burst into the eventual, and become. And spirit is simply this – something that breaks whatever separates us from reality, and then acts as guiding light – luring us forth, radiant, unafraid, into the events of life.
One of the fundamental facts of ego is it's oneness. Not a unity but individual and individuated – to the point of isolation. In fact one of Nietzsche's beautiful insights was that with the death of God, the temptation to install one's own ego as substitute will be irresistable, and mankind will be really fucked. The fundamental fact of the body is it's twoness – a body of two halves, elastically and dynamically interacting to generate and revel in energy, for its own sake if nothing else. When the mind quietens in taiji it does so into movement – a body in motion – into this writhing twoness, rather than into the lonely oneness of a self set apart.