There is a story of an interviewer asking John Coltrane something about his amazing sound. Coltrane pointed out that he can't say anything about the sound himself, because, being the producer of that sound, he is the only person alive unable to truly experience it. And this is the thing about any creative act: the creator is too embroiled to make any useful judgements about what she creates. Is all she can do, usefully, is make. And this is the thing about life, life truly lived. It has little to do with pleasure, credit or profit received, and everything to do with what's given to and through the creative process.